| Beginning again... and again and again and again |
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| 10:29pm 04/08/2011 |
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Holy Jesus there's five years of writing locked into this journal. Five years of me plastered across the internet for all to see, which I'm now slowly locking away behind private status... and four years of silence as I lost myself in other journals, life, and my own mind. Now it's all about facebook and for a while I was sucked into the craze. It's only recently that I realized facebook has become all about the games (ie frontierville) and little or no writing. The last journal entry I made... I don't even know when it was.
There are too many people. Too much pressure and expectation. I let people in and eventually my page starts to feel the strain. I start to censor myself, I state to hate that I censor myself, and then I just go quiet. The only one that hurts is me.
So back to livejournal I return, four years older and hopefully slightly smarter. It's going to take time to edit every single entry into private status but I'll get it done. And here, in this white cyberspace, I'll find my voice again. I'll find myself again.
It's just for me, no one else. |
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| Miss me? |
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| 11:27am 07/06/2005 |
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mood:  happy
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It's been forever and yes, I am finally giving into the demands of my friends to update more. ^_^ Or maybe I just finally have some "me" time and I feel like writing. Whichever. I've been thinking a lot lately. My life has been so busy lately that sometimes I just need to pull back into my own head and just let the quiet wash over me for a few soothing moments.
So I'm still going back and forth between Joliet and Chicago like a loon. I don't know what I used to do with all of the time I spend driving now. At this point if I'm home and not driving out to Chicago I almost feel lost like "what am I supposed to be doing with myself?" Still looking for a job, still sending out resumés, still working at ACP, still hanging out with Charliee. She's found a really great allergy medicine so we're putting our plan to live together back in the works; it's nice to have something to plan towards, especially with a friend. Having a roommate makes everything more affordable too, which is great. I'm still as poor as ever but I'm still happy. I sat down today to pay some of my bills and yea, I really don't have enough so my phone bill isn't going to get paid this month but.. I feel really great when I pay my bills. I paid my car payment and do you know what number this payment is? My nineteenth. I have sixty-six payments to make before I'm done and I'm already on nineteen; I'm nearly a third of the way there!!! That's so exciting to me. ^_^ It is a bit wierd to realize that I've been paying for my car for over a year now, but that's so awesome!
In the midst of all of this madness, this flurry of activity that I now exist in, I went through a short span where I forgot to take my medicine. It was very strange, very eye-opening. I started feeling nautious, my moodswings started up again, and it was like slamming into a brickwall all over again to realize how well I do on my medication. I even had a conversation with my mom about it. We have all of these "home videos" where I'm this happy girl, this bouncy kid that likes to sing and dance and all the time I'd just burst into giggles for no reason. That's the person I am now, when I take care of myself and take my medicine. I think I missed that little girl; I'm glad she's back.
That's really what my life is right now. Working, driving, and living. I'm getting back into my Wicca studies because I missed them and was really feeling that lack of connection with the goddess. I finished designing my Book of Shadows and showed it to my parents last night; it's really beautiful. ^_^ I have so many books to read, so much research to do.. I love it! I love having a direction to work towards, a path to travel.
Right now I'm just happy. It's amazing. |
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| Ode to a Spork |
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| 07:09am 28/05/2005 |
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mood: happy
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I love you Sporkie!!!
It's amazing what great friends can do. They can take a day that was "Meh" at best and make it fantastic. Not even by filling it with hours of chatter but by sitting next to you in a darkened theater and laughing over the antics being displayed on a freakishly large screen. Oh how I had missed you, my friend. You and your Sporkidom. ^_^ And what a great movie to share; Hitch. Everyone who hasn't seen it, please do now. It's at the Super Saver for two dollars so there are no excuses not to see it! Have a great day guys. I'm spending mine moving my sister's furniture for her, but hey, atleast I get to spend time with her.
*walks away humming*
"Now that we've found love what're we gonna do with it..." |
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| 04:17am 23/05/2005 |
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mood:  sleepy
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I feel like I should be writing things down. My feelings, my thoughts, the situations i go through.. I'm just too tired for that. Everything's too much of a whirlwind and I just don't have the energy to relive everything in enough depth to rehash it all onto my journal. Do other people go through that? Actually sit in front of their computer and go "I have so much to WRITE! ... yea, I'ma go watch TV instead." |
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| Once Upon a Yesterday |
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| 11:54am 19/05/2005 |
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mood:  busy
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So yesterday. A huge gammet of emotion. I drove out to Chicago and spent the night at Charliee's on Tuesday night after work so that I could arrive at my interview on Wednesday morning without having to leave at 6am to battle the traffic and highway hell. Charliee sneezed the whole night because I had brought my own blanket and she's allergic to cats/cat hair. I felt pretty bad about that but she kept telling me it was fine and finally took some medicine so.. I guess it worked out. Aside from the fact that she really didn't sleep much, that is. But I made it to my interview in my pretty new grey suit, early and eager to make a good impression. This interview was with the Chicago Cat Clinic and I think it went well, although you never know, that could just be me and my optimistic hoping. I'll found out in a week or so and until then I'm just going to smile and skip around. Then I went back to Chariee's (after the interview) and we hung out all day. We called the Post Office about a testing for jobs that will be out in the Chicago area, we set up another interview opportunity for the both of us this coming Friday, so I will be driving out there tonight to spend the night in order to go to the interview at 11am.. and yea, then we just hung out.
For some reason I'm getting a bit hesitant about the whole situation and I'm trying to pinpoint why that is. There's just this emotion building up inside of me, like this antsy, anxious, fidgety feeling. I spent nearly an hour on the phone with Tim last night trying to pinpoint what it is or where it comes from and we still can't figure it out. This is what I have so far, but I can't figure out what is or isn't relevent to my feelings of .. flutter-stuff. Does anyone know how often I've been out to Chicago in the last two weeks? Eight or nine times. I know, my mind boggles too. See, I'm used to seeing my Joliet friends like once or twice a week at most so for me that's a big number, not even factoring in the fact that she lives 46 miles from me when my Joliet friends live like five. Charliee and her gang don't see anything wrong with it but I actually called her place "home" yesterday and that totally threw me for a loop. This is not to say that I don't love being there because I do. I just feel like.. I don't know. I've never been comfortable enough with someone to actually want to spend so much time with them, let alone actually be able to without randomly screaming "Oh my Lord, I need some space, I'm going for a walk now!" And with Charliee there's none of that. I'm perfectly happy to spend day after day with her, doing something or nothing at all, and I worry that my crush on her is getting worse because of this feeling of ease and rightness. Because my feelings for her seem to be growing I'm cracking down on myself going "ok, no more hugging Charliee, no! She is not ready to date and you will NOT screw up this friendship!" only then I think that eventually she's going to go "ok, why did we stop hugging, what's wrong with you?" But hey, lets put my feelings aside for a moment, shall we?
The huge amount of time I've been spending there; I worry that I'm steppin' on some toes as well. I feel like I've been accepted into their little circle of friends and I absolutely LOVE IT! I love Jenn-Jenn and Hillary, Mari and Lina, Charliee (of course) and Kim, Brad whom I lovingly call 'Druid Dude'.. they're just a great group of people. But being over yesterday both Mari and Jenn-Jenn stopped over to talk to Charliee randomly and I saw them both kinda hault at the door when they say me as if to say she's here AGAIN? and who knows if they needed to talk to Charliee alone. I know I've needed that before. There are some days when I just need to talk to Knifie alone or Tim and I just can't hang out in a group. I don't wanna push my new circle of friends into actually pulling Charliee aside and saying "hey, could she NOT be here for a few minutes, I need to talk to you about some serious stuff." So I asked and they laughed it off but to me it's a serious thing; I care about my friends and I want them to not get tired of me or feel like I'm crowding them. Then there's the whole Mari situation. Oy to the Vay. This is gonna take some time to talk about.
Mari still thinks that Charliee and her are in a relationship. She still tries to get reactions out of Charliee, tries to make her jealous, etc. I know she likes me as a person, and I like her too, we're becoming friends, but there's also a little bit of "are you stepping into my role as her main friend?" type thing. Which really isn't Mari's choice, it's mine and Charliee's. If Charliee wants me there, I'm going to be there because I enjoy spending time with her. At the same time, I don't wanna have to deal with any jealousy that might arrise from this. I also don't want to hurt Mari. She's becoming my friend, that means I care about her feelings. Would it be worth hurting her like this if Charliee and I might actually date? I'd say yes. But Charliee isn't looking for that, so then I have to go "ok, I'm going to hurt one of my new friends for.. I don't even know." Like there has to be a way around this, doesn't there? She doesn't seem to believe Charliee when she tells her that the relationship is over, which is no one's issue but Mari's. Having said that, even though it is her issue, she is my friend and she is Charliee's friend so should we continue to hang out and hurt her until she just gets over it herself, or is there something we can do to help her? I feel a little guilty spending this much time with Charliee and hurting Mari because I do have feelings for Chariee, or I'm beginning to. If it was just friendship I'd probably laugh it off and treat it like no big deal because everyone has enough room in their hearts for every friend, but for me it's a bit more than that; in some way I do want to be more important to Charliee and that's what's making me feel guilty. Why? Because that's what Mari is worried about, that's what Charliee doesn't want, and that's what I'm trying to keep from growing. So the constant time together, the playfullness and comfort.. I don't wanna lose these things, but I feel like they mean more to me than they should? This whole situation is just so confusing to me that I don't wanna do anything about it. I just want to let it play out and see where it takes me but I'm not so sure that's a good option, or even an option at all because I keep wanting to do things like rest my chin on Charliee's shoulder while I read what she's typing on her old, slower-than-hell computer. I want to lean back against her couch with a book while she lays across it with her own book and make random comments about whatever it is I'm reading. These wants might be perfectly fine for friendship but I think they'd mean more to me so I'm stopping myself and styfling any of those wants for closeness but Charliee is naturally a close person and eventually she's gonna notice that I'm acting wierd, if she hasn't already.
Arg! What do I do? I'ma go play with my kitties, relax, and then go to work for two. I got called in for an earlier time. And no, I'm not fired. I just got written up, that's all. They still love me, the world still turns. Need I say "whee"? I know I'm going out to see Charliee tonight so we can do the interview tomorrow and then Saturday evening to go to my very first strip club (yay!) but then I think I need to spend a few days seeing my Joliet friends like Knifie and Merideth if she's home. Or hell, even just spend some time at home with my cats and my parents. Keep my life a bit balance, right? I have no idea. Help me, anyone? |
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| Life |
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| 09:47am 17/05/2005 |
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I have a strong suspicion that I'm going to go in to work today and either get severly reprimanded or outright fired. Do I care? Not really. Quiz time!
Your brain: 80% interpersonal, 80% visual, 140% verbal, and 100% mathematical!
| Congratulations on being 400% smart! Actually, on my test, everyone is. The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy
doing. A score above 100% means you use that kind of thinking more than
average, and a score below 100% means you use it less. It says nothing
about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers.
Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious:
- Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 80%.
- Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 100%.
- Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 200%.
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 55% on interpersonal | | You scored higher than 51% on visual | | You scored higher than 81% on verbal | | You scored higher than 81% on mathematical |
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Advanced
You scored 92% Beginner, 92% Intermediate, 86% Advanced, and 60% Expert! |
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and
advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of
each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.
Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!
For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 25% on Beginner | | You scored higher than 24% on Intermediate | | You scored higher than 26% on Advanced | | You scored higher than 14% on Expert |
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There was also a "gaydar" test but it didn't have something to paste. I got 60% accurate and was told I'm better at identifying gay men. Like that helps me at all!
Normal Person
You were able to see in color 100% of the time and telling the truth 100% of the time! |
You can tell based on the percentage of color vision how well you did.
Im glad to be in the company of someone who doesnt lie on these to
engineer their scores. | | |
My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 0% on Color Vision | | You scored higher than 20% on Seriousness |
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| Relations |
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| 10:05pm 05/05/2005 |
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mood:  impressed
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I'm not feeling so hot lately so I took the day off work and spent most of it sleeping or attempting to cough up a lung, whichever struck my fancy at the moment. Between those two exciting turn of events I filled my time with reading Harry Potter fan fiction, slash of course, and it left me with a clear yet complex mental image of what it is that I want out of my life relationships. Maybe 'want' is too strong of a word, perhaps 'strive for' would be better suited. One story in particular, entitled "Anniversary" by RaeWhit, moved me with its beauty. From this story I began to see for myself what exactly goes on within a society, any society, and what may occur between people as they travel and grow. I don't know how much of this I gleaned from the story itself, or if it just put the finishing touches, the last bit of polish on the silver, to what I was already rambling on about mentally. But at the end of this entry there will be a link to that story, in case you'd like to read it. Achingly beautiful at moments, I swear. However, do check the ratings to make sure you want to read slash of that caliber first. But regardless of that, onto what I ponder my life relations to be.
It's all a web, and for anyone who's seen The L Word all you need do is picture the massive "six degree of seperation dating site" that Alice puts onto the net to have a starting place for what I'm about to paint for you. But that's not quite it because I'm not referring to dating alone. I'm referring to all relationships, be they familail, romantic, or frienship. Even more so, they are not stationary once attached to your name. Every person, as I currently see it, is their own little hub source from which they are automatically limited to seeing the majority of events from their own point of view, no matter how even-minded they are. We're human, we can't help ourselves; what's a homosapian to do right? So picture your name, your own little hub, aglow in the black space of existance, and then draw lines to the names of everyone you have ever loved, ever been with as a friend, lover, co-worker, everything. This, so far, follows Alice's general site to the basic degree. What I see changing in my mind... are the threads. The closer two people are, the more prominant, clear, and strong the ties are between you two. The closer your names are in reference to distance. Now what is buzzing within my head... is that this is all moving. In any given week I cannot tell you who in my life is my most dominant tie because they are all living their own lives within their own little hubs from their own points of view and as a result our ties are constantly stretched and strained, neglected, remembered, rejuivenated, taken for granted, threatened, twisted, pulled; everything. It's just a constant cycle, and if it sounds exhausting to visualize this occuring between two individuals, then you're not looking on a wide enough scope, because it's happening between an exponenial amount of people every moment. And it all affects everyone.
Example: The random nameless boy that works as a bagboy at Jewel has an off day and goes home to argue with his mother. He pulls away from her in every way, verbal, physical, everything. She in turn starts to worry about him and pulls away from everyone else in her web/hub so that she can be closer to him. In doing so she pulls away from her husband, who in turn is feeling neglected and pulls away from everyone he knows and becomes angry, distant, unhappy. This man is a barber lets say, and he goes to work the following day upset and silent, cutting hair for his regulars in a baaaad mood. This affects all of his normal clients that think of him as a somewhat friend, and guess who his client is that morning? Your boss's daughter. And since he's pissed, he cuts her hair too short and this affects her, she cries on the phone to your boss, who strains and pulls all of his strings taut to be closer to her..
Can you picture it yet? Like the rediculously old games of "Frogger" with the moving logs, we're on a line and our small log is constantly sliding along being pulled in any given direction. Think of the instability of it all. The constant motion and upheavel, of not really knowing who to fall back on or reach out to. That is what life is, what we have as of today. Well, what I have. What most people that I know have. Not all, but most. And see, then we get into what we seak. A life partner. Someone with whom we can mutually bond with in certainty, that we can put before everyone else and count on to be closest and most stable for us whenever we might need them. That no matter how far they get, how taut their line is drawn, that they will come sliding back towards us at the first tug of distress or necessity.
For me, this image, this information, seems like a huge step in knowing an undefinable something. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with this knowledge now, but I know that I've stumbled onto something that will make sense given time. I think this image began to bloom within me as I tried to explain my complex evening with Charliee to my mother this evening. My mom, and I do have to give her props for being able to do this at all, was worried about the possibility of Charliee and I becoming flatmates because we are, and I'm quoting her directly here, "girlfriends. But honey, what if you break up?" To that I had to stop and explain that no, we are not girlfriends. She nodded and murmered something about us being just friends then but I'm not sure if that's what we are either. We call each other "sweetness" and "honey," we flirt and joke, talk about everything under the sun, and in general I think we kind of toe the line a bit to figure out where we would both like to stand. It's all very complex, this subtle girl mentality; are we friends, are we more than friends, was that a date, were we just hanging out, is she just normally that huggy... it all plays a part in the confusion, to be sure. As a whole, I've come to the conclusion that within the lesbian community the majority of friendships are actually more along the lines of "friendships with possibility." There is no definate line, we're all just sliding along being pulled every which way by who knows how many people at one time; it's amazing we're not all motion sick constantly. Trying to explain this to my mother, when I myself don't get it, was interesting to say the least. I also shared with her my evening with Leena and Mari, whom we spent a portion of the evening with over sushi and books. Leena likes Mari, Mari is Charliee's ex, Mari was sizing me up to make sure I was a nice, decent girl to know Charlie.. there were so many strange dynamics going on that it was almost like watching entertainment over dinner. I caught the subtle looks Leena was giving out of the corner of her eye to Mari, who was talking with Charliee, who was trying not to act like an old married couple with Mari; it was all very whirlwindish yet under the surface, very complex and fascinating.
I just can't stop myself from puzzling over it; I'm intruiged and fascinated by this first sip of the lesbian community. Mari and Charliee were together for two years and they were each others' first serious girlfriend. They are no longer together, but that history alone creates such a strong bond between the two that the entire time they were together everyone within a block radius had no doubt that they were a couple. Which is extremely interesting yet awkward for the situation at hand, which was ambiguous to begin with. I believe Leena wanted it to be a date with Mari, who isn't interested in her so possibly wanted a buffer via Charliee and I, yet she also gave off a somewhat strong vibe of "you're encrouching, back off of what's mine" towards me, and I myself don't even know if that was necessary to begin with. So now I'm wondering, are all girls like this? I have dated and I have been in love, but I accept that Jennifer isn't and can't be what I want her to be, ever. So we are still friends and she still means a great deal to me, but I had to let our tie become less of a dominant factor in my life and it doesn't seem like that's entirely normal. Then again, Charliee and Mari could just be the exception to this rule, but I'm not so sure. And if that's the case then I may never date. I don't enjoy the subtle rivalry of it all, the random flare up of vying for attention or anything like that. Maybe I have more of a man's attitude when it comes to relationships but I prefer what is atleast a bit more clean cut then that. I'm wondering how the two of them will ever date if they are forever this... married. It's not something to laugh over but I do because to see them last night was almost comical. And truly, is that what it will be always? Does everyone have an ex like that? Because if so, then I don't think I'll ever make it through a relationship. But that could be my mood at the moment, a random spot of dispair. To erase it, why not read the story that I began this entry with. It's long though, so if you don't have time, bookmark it for later.
http://serpensortia.sycophanthex.com/viewuser.php?uid=292 |
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| The Healthy and the friendless |
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| 03:42pm 02/05/2005 |
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mood:  sick
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Well, my health is all over the place. I'm coming down with something, which is probably just a cold, but I had a slight temperature and lightheadedness, some coughing, and some aching in my ears. I also feel like my head is about to split into two, which isn't that great of a sensation. BUT! I came home from work, was making some lunch, and tested my sugar. I'm at a 94! Normal is between 100 -120; I've never been that low before! I'm writing down all of the carbs I eat like a good little diabetic and hopefully I'll be feeling better on a permanent basis and I can decrease my meds some. So yayness to that!
But then the day went downhill, as it does sometimes. I was just hanging out with Meg and Knifie in my living room, we were watching some tv and relaxing. Meg and I are having an issue right now, which isn't really about her at all, it's about her 14-year-old brother, his friend, and me. Lately they've been screaming things like "PENIS!" at me or singing stupid hormonal songs about how I make them horny. I don't care that they're 14, that kind of behavior is not ok. It's gotten to the point that when she's on the phone at her house now and they're there they'll start to yell things so that I can hear them. They've even answered her cell phone while she's driving them around to talk to me. *shudder* All of this is not alright. So I talked to her brother Tim last night. I explained that I think he's a great kid but that's just not allowed, that's not how you treat people, and if he doesn't stop I'm going to take it to a whole new level. My dad is pissed that these kids are upsetting me, but I really don't want to bring him into it. His first response was "give me a name, I'll kill 'em." My cousin Mike feels the same way, but I digress. So Meg left to go babysit today, and she babysits one of the friends that's been doing this. Apparently he went into her cellphone, pulled me up by memory, and called me from her cell. When I called back she was all "Oh.. sorry." Don't be sorry Meg, you didn't do anything, but I want to talk to this kid's parents. I shouldn't have to wonder if it's going to be you I'm talking to whenever your cell number comes up; that's way over a freakin' line here. I think the kids last name is McGrath.. and I will find out. And I will talk to his parents because that's bullshit. But it hurts even more that Meg was bitching about how her parents wont do anything to stop Tim from doing it and now she's stopping me from doing anything about it. She told me flat out "I wont give you the name." Ok. Then we're not friends anymore. I'm serious. I don't wanna go to your house because I don't have fun when they're there, and I'm not going to answer any of your calls because I'll never know if it's you or not. I'm not putting up with this bullshit. You know your brother and his friends are out of line but you don't want me to do anything about it? How is that supposed to make me feel? And don't give me that "he's my brother" crap. I let it slide before because he was your brother, but this isn't even Tim now, this is his stupid friend, and if you're not going to let me handle this, then I'm done. I go to bat for you whenever you need me too, I always have. I've fought with my dad for you, even when it was a rare moment of peace in my household, because he used to call you Midget and Communist and I wouldn't let him. I'm not asking you to be involved but you're just as bad as your parents if you let this continue, and that's what you're doing. Instead of letting me deal with something that's affecting me, you're just giving in to two spoiled kids and it's you that's paying the price, not them. Do you think Tim will care that his antics caused this? No, he wont.
So I'm one friend down, but honestly, I'm kinda happy about it. If you don't have my back ever, even when you agree with me, then it's all a joke anyway. Atleast now I wont be emotionally drained each and every time I see you, simply because from now on I wont be seeing you. So adios. I know we'll interact around Merideth sometimes but as far as I can see, if we just don't talk it should all work out swell. Hope you feel proud that you're furthering a cycle of stupidity you don't even believe in. |
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| Update ala evening hours |
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| 10:11pm 01/05/2005 |
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mood: optimistic
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I talked to Charlie I talked to Charlie!! ^_^ Her friend Maudi is over (can't spell that) so I got a phonecall and we chatted for twenty minutes. We're going to hang out tomorrow if I'm not completely comatose with fatigue after work and helpin' Meg with her speech. We're also going to hang out Wednesday, my sure-fire day off; yay! Wednesday will be the day we do boystown and gaymart, the zoo maybe... so much fun! I miss that girl!!! *big goofy grin*
Sweet dreams everyone! |
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| Feelin' good |
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| 08:52am 01/05/2005 |
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mood: productive
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I've got a pretty heavy day in front of me and I'm actually looking forward to it, what? Gasp! ^_^
My parents want to do this little three mile marathon on my dad's birthday so my mom and I are going to go walk two miles today so that we get really good at walking in sinc while talking and not being out of breath (go us!). Then we're doing a bunch of shopping for my mom, I don't know what for and that's ok with me, and then I'm working out. I finally mentioned to my dad that my whole goal of getting in shape is a pretty serious one and that I'd like his help in getting started, so he's going to help make a list with me. All I know for now is that my mom and I are going to walk (and hopefully jog at some point) two or three miles three times a week and I'm supposed to do 100 sit-ups every other day. There's also going to be a number of jumping jacks involved, some bike riding, and some weight lifting as well as my yoga tapes to stimulate good circulation and general health and wellbeing. =0 ) I even talked to him about looking for a new gym to join with Charlie so he's pretty updated on all of this, yay!
I also bought some beautiful stickers yesterday, moon and sun stuff as well as some clouds, and a smokey gray three ring binder. I'm ready to start my Book of Shadows. I'm also reading a new book, The Witch's Shield, which is turning out to be amazing! Is today rockin' or what?! Later gators! |
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| Update! |
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| 12:13pm 29/04/2005 |
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mood:  dorky
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you are JENNY! you are sweet, shy, and innocent,
but you've got a darker, sexier side...and you
cant hold it in forever! you're the closet
freak of the group!
Which Character from The L Word are You???
brought to you by Quizilla
Eh, I'm pretty happy about that. But I would have preferred being Tina. ^_^ She wasn't an option though so I feel totally happy with my results, woot.
I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. About what I want to do, where I want to go, who I want to be. I really want to get in shape, get my diabetes under control, and stand a chance of getting into the marines. It's a thought I've had all my life, but it's been kind of a half-dream. The idiolistic "I think that'd be great but I can't actually do it" kind of dream. Well, no more for that. I want to get in shape and be at a point in my life where I actually could get in. Then I'm going to have to sit down and be serious for a long while to decide if it is what I truly want. Then I can either go for it completely or finally let it go for good. It can't be anything fast, it's going to take atleast a year to get that in shape and to get in you have to have been off anti-depressents for atleast a year. So.. I'm going to have to talk to my doctors as I work out, see what they think. I really do want to give this a chance though, a possibility of coming true.
Charlie feels the same way only about the Navy, so we're going to work out together. ^_^ Excitement! It'll be nice to have someone to work out with. I can just picture us now running side by side on treadmills going "I'm dying... I'm dying" and the other going "just a few more minutes.. just a few more minutes." Why is that my idea of a perfect moment? I have no idea. I wish I could see Charlie this weekend, but she has no internet 'cause she's avoiding her parents and her phone doesn't work so I can't get in touch with her at all. Roar! Maybe on Monday? My work schedule is still all up in the air and not-official which is driving me nuts. I know what I work today and tomorrow but then it's all kind of blurry and I have to keep calling them to see when/if I work. I shake my fist! Hmm.. gonna go walk Galen. Adios! |
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| 03:59pm 25/04/2005 |
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mood: amused
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GRYFFINDOR!
You scored 20% Slytherin, 16% Ravenclaw, 64% Gryffindor, and 32% Hufflepuff! | You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart.
Gryffindors are known for their courage, audacity, and devotion to what is good and honest. |  |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 35% on Slytherin | | You scored higher than 12% on Ravenclaw | | You scored higher than 82% on Gryffindor | | You scored higher than 56% on Hufflepuff |
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Shocking! ^_^
I had a lot of fun last night with Charlie! I can tell we'll be great friends and we'll be hanging out a lot. Excitement!!! |
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| 02:08am 24/04/2005 |
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mood: awake
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Old Hand
You've seen 69% of the internet, and shed 43% of the tears... |
And you thought you'd seen it all!
You've been around this old internet of ours a number of times.
You've seen some pretty sick stuff, and maybe you even liked some of
it, but you've managed to find all the good bits and pieces.
Congratulations! I bet your friends always want to know what cool stuff
you're getting upto this week, and what funny new website you've found.
Are you shocked at the stuff you've missed? Have I given you enough
of an inkling? I know you think the rest is garbage, but you're a
little bit curious, aren't you? That Digital Underbelly... sinister...
brooding... tempting... and oh, so wrong.
Don't do it! Fight against it! You'll soon lose all those friends if you get into it.
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My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 26% on experience | | You scored higher than 29% on sadness |
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Why am I up at 2am? Long story short, I didn't get to meet Charlie on Friday, I'm going to see her tomorrow and I can't get to sleep I'm so excited/nervous. So... quizzes and random reading the whole night through; lets go! |
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| Today's the day! |
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| 11:00am 22/04/2005 |
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mood:  nervous
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Aaaah, I'm nervous! Today's the day I'm meeting Charlie. Lets heap on more nerves by having me drive into Chicago to someplace I've never been with yahoomap as my only lifeline! Squeeee!!!
Ok, getting that out of the way, I'm pretty happy and excited. Excited and nervous. Nervous and freaking out. Oh hell! |
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| Finishing off tonight |
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| 08:19pm 17/04/2005 |
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mood:  bouncy
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Well, I didn't get to go see Charlie today; she wound up babysitting. We're trying to set something up for this upcoming week or weekend, and that should rock. That's for another day though, and this entry is about tonight.
I saw the movie Hitch with my mom; hilarious! I love Kevin James; you must see this movie! I will see it over and over again with anyone who would like to go with me!!
Aside from that I got a call from my cousin Mike about an apartment in Chicago that he wants to get and he wanted to know if I was interested in rooming with him. The rent would be 350 for each of us and that's not so bad, but I'm going to go see it with him tomorrow and ask things like what's the cat policy, are the utilities included, etc. So who knows, we'll see. Still.. it's a promising thought, isn't it?
I'm feeling really optimistic right now. Even if I don't wind up rooming with Mike, and I'm not entirely sure I want to a.) room with him or b.) live in Chicago, but it's the possibility that makes me happy right now. Well, that and I did a friends-page cleaning so that I don't have so many freakin' groups showing up on there anymore. I can actually scroll entries of people I actually know now! ...And I just finished writing Charlie. ^_^ She just got an expresso machine so we're making plans to share photos over expresso for our first meeting and possibly watch some movies or play some games. Good times, good times!
Right now, I'm totally diggin' life! Oh, and I put my bumper sticker on my car!!! I'm officially pretty and empowered! |
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| Wootness |
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| 12:35pm 17/04/2005 |
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mood:  artistic
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Your Linguistic Profile:
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65% General American English |
20% Yankee |
10% Upper Midwestern |
5% Dixie |
0% Midwestern |
The things I learn about myself! ^_^
Ok, so on a more real note, this is how my day's going so far; I went out to breakfast with my parents and had a lot of fun. I got a spinach, bacon, and cheddar omelet and it was really yummy. Way too big though so I have leftovers, yay! Then we ran over to a nearby Borders, and I really do think now that Joliet is missing out by not having one! They had the most FANTASTIC selection for Wicca!! I know it's far away but I just get this sense of suuuuch potential while I'm there! I want to go there on my days off now, to buy books and coffee, sit at a little round table in their cafe, read and sip all day. That's it and it'd be great! Then we ran over to the Dollar Tree (while waiting for this store to finish altering my dad's new shirt) and my dad got me a basket to carry my cd's in for my car so they wont be scattered anymore. It was a really sweet thing to do, to think of me like that. =0 ) We all had a lot of fun and we're in a really good mood.
I haven't heard yet from Charlie though. She has a standing babysitting job for one of her neighbors down the street but it's not every Sunday so she's waiting to hear whether or not she's going to be busy today and if she's not then I'm going to try finding my way downtown so we can meet face to face and talk or drink coffee or walk in the park. Apparently there are a zillion things to do downtown and she really wants to meet me. At this point, I really want to meet her too so that we can get over this wierd awkwardness of never having met face to face. It was actually really sweet what she said to me, she wrote me saying "Just something inside me clicked and i suddenly wanted to buy you a drink or dinner or anything just to get to know you better." I think that's the right attitude and it sounds like good times. Hey, I might even see boystown! ^_^ But if not today, then later. So... heh, that's where I am right now and I really don't know what's going on later. But I'll keep you all posted!!! (and by "you all" I mean Terése, Merideth, Jennifer, and Knifie, since that's about everyone that reads this journal)
I wish everyone reading this a good day! |
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| Inner turmoil |
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| 05:47pm 14/04/2005 |
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mood:  confused
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I have a lot of confusing things going on inside my head. They have to do with my new-found friend Charlie, who is kind of exploding into my life, and Jennifer. And just.. I don't know. My whole life in general right now, it feels like it's going to burst at the seams and I'm almost at the point of throwing my head back and screaming because this has all got to be one huge joke; time has got to be going faster for me than for everyone else because I swear I'm living entire weeks where people are living days. Hmm... maybe a quiz will make me feel better.
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| I bought it!! |
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| 07:08pm 11/04/2005 |
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mood: excited
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My very first bumper sticker!! And what's even better, they sell clothes with this cute little guy on 'em. I'm gonna have to get some! So cute and so very me! ^_^ Happy!
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| Hehe, I love these |
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| 07:39am 09/04/2005 |
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mood:  loved
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So this is my application to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=88.8) pretty_lesbians which was fun. I might just start yoinking the survey application things though because that's about it as far as the fun goes. Comments are fun too, but they can't get over that I'm a gay republican. Like it was easy for me either.
My application, woohoo!
I love me! ^_^ |
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
northeverwood's journal
